a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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