There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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