The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
