new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
