she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
