Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
