I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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