My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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