Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
