Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I fill condoms, not promises.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
