I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
