omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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