I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
