im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
