Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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