I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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