I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
