ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize