I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize