I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
