you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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