your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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