we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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