i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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