even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You made out with two different species that night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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