I think I am morally bankrupt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
