Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
