Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
