my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
