you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
