from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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