i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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