That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
