We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
