I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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