So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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