He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
