Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
