He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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