Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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