didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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