Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize