Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
