based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
