What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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