i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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