Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
