is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
