wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
