She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
