listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
