if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What a dumb baby whore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
