This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
