do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
