Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
