can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
