My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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