guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
