The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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