This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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