she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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