At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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