My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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