The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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