If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize