Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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