Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
