Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize