hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize