I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
