Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
