just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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