everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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